The next step of my cancer journey involved having to stay in Arizona for 3 weeks at the cancer center. During this stay, I had 2 infusions of Torisel, and afterwards, I was allowed to fly home to San Jose. It was so good to be back at home with my family and sleep in my own bed. I would return to the center every 2 weeks for treatment for the next several months. The tumors in my left lung continued to shrink, but the mass in my right lung remained unchanged.
My near death experience in July and the continuing battle with cancer, as well as other issues began to take its toll on my marriage. I knew something was wrong, but I guess I try to convince myself that we were doing fine. I began to move towards a depression state during this time. I began to have thoughts that everyone would be better off without me. I began to consider stopping my cancer treatment and just see what would happen. After all, I wasn’t working and was on disability so I thought I didn’t have anything else to offer. Fortunately, I have some really good friends that I could share these things with. They allowed me to vent my feelings and then they encouraged me that I have a great deal to offer to others.
In October, things in my marriage came to a screeching halt. My wife and I separated, and this was a month of unexpected and undesired changes for me. I was devastated by this whole thing. I didn’t know what I was going to do or where I was going to go. I asked my Dad if I could move in with him temporarily while I sort things out. He lived 80 miles away on the Monterey Peninsula. He agreed and I packed up what I could, and donated or threw out what I couldn’t bring with me. I had lost my family and I was still battling cancer. I felt so defeated and alone. I was going to have to start over somehow.