Battling Cancer Takes it’s Toll

The next step of my cancer journey involved having to stay in Arizona for 3 weeks at the cancer center. During this stay, I had 2 infusions of Torisel, and afterwards, I was allowed to fly home to San Jose. It was so good to be back at home with my family and sleep in my own bed. I would return to the center every 2 weeks for treatment for the next several months.  The tumors in my left lung continued to shrink, but the mass in my right lung remained unchanged.

7957914_f496My near death experience in July and the continuing battle with cancer, as well as other issues began to take its toll on my marriage. I knew something was wrong, but I guess I try to convince myself that we were doing fine. I began to move towards a depression state during this time. I began to have thoughts that everyone would be better off without me. I began to consider stopping my cancer treatment and just see what would happen.  After all, I wasn’t working and was on disability so I thought I didn’t have anything else to offer.  Fortunately, I have some really good friends that I could share these things with.  They allowed me to vent my feelings and then they encouraged me that I have a great deal to offer to others.

In October, things in my marriage came to a screeching halt. My wife and I separated, and this was a month of unexpected and undesired changes for me.  I was devastated by this whole thing.  I didn’t know what I was going to do or where I was going to go.  I asked my Dad if I could move in with him temporarily while I sort things out.  He lived 80 miles away on the Monterey Peninsula.  He agreed and I packed up what I could, and donated or threw out what I couldn’t bring with me.  I had lost my family and I was still battling cancer.  I felt so defeated and alone.  I was going to have to start over somehow.

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